Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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