he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
