never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
they're like a gay fantastic four
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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