did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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