so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
