I love black thongs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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