one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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