I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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