Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
