Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
