Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just pynch a tree in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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