is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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