Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
