and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
