and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
