I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
