I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
