Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
