I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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