she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
