This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
