This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
