dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
