the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
