It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
