just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
