be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
