I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
