And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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