Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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