Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bring me that man meat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
