Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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