so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
