the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
