the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
