Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
