I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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