whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
