I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
