bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
