party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
