thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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