3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
