she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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