I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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