SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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