Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
