I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
