god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
