I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
