Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
