Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who died my cat blue again?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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