guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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