I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
