She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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