as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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