I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
