I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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