Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
