Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
