Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize