i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
