You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
