Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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