I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
