he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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