i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
