the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
