I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
