I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
