she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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