cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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