just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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