Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
