I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
