Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
