I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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