Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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