Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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